When we die and leave our body behind here on earth, a funeral or memorial is the natural process we engage in to say goodbye to the deceased loved one.
And do we ever really stand back and ask the question; “Just who is this funeral or memorial for, anyway?” Most people will without a doubt tell you that it is for the deceased loved one, of course…but is it really?
The funeral, in actual fact, is there for the family and friends to obtain closure. Closure is extremely important whenever a relationship comes to an end, be it death, marriage, a job or anything we hold dear to our hearts.
The deceased loved one is not at the memorial or service being held for them (2nd Corinthians 5:8). We take this time to mourn and grieve and celebrate their life but also to gain finality of the chapter that has now come to an end.
So many people have made the mistake of allowing the person who is thinking of their death or that is close to death (due to illness) to dictate how, where, when they want the funeral service or even if there will be or should be a funeral or memorial at all. It is always important to take into consideration, the wishes of the deceased loved one as this is a way to honor them and ultimately to find closure for those left behind. This honoring of their wishes shows the love and commitment as well as the respect you had for them. However, they (the deceased) will not be attending their own funeral, but the family and friends will and that is why it is important to accommodate everyone that will be present and respect everyone’s wishes and always try to be as accommodating as is humanly possible. For instance – some want the coffin open during the service while some may be freaked out at this. Perhaps having the coffin open (for viewing) could be done up to a few minutes before the service starts and then closed for the remainder of the service.
But ultimately, when finalizing the memorial or funeral service, it should be borne in mind that is for those that are left behind here on earth who will continue with the tomorrows of their own life, as the well known adage goes; ‘life must go on’
And it is when ‘life goes on’ and everything turns back to normality that the memories remain and we treasure these memories forever. When closure has taken place, properly, and we have allowed ourselves to grieve and mourn, naturally, then we can face life again and perhaps even assist and help others who may be facing a funeral and do not know how to cope.
Paddick & Roelien Van Zyl – LDMI
Copyright – Paddick Van Zyl – LDMI – Coram Deo Min 2018